why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
