if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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