the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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