Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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