I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
