I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
