I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
