whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
