just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
