new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i love accidental penises.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
