Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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