she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
