You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
