The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
