hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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