Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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