Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
