I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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