Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
