chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
