i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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