my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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