I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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