so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
