a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
