there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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