Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
