my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
why do cheetos always look like penises
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
