my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
