we made out on top of his cat.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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