I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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