There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
