why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
