in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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