peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will be naked everywhere
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
