Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
