Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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