why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
