woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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