i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
