I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
