you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
