So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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