hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
