Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
