On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
