I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
