I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
