so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
