You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
did you just send me my own nude
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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