drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
