Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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