so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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