OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
