im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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