I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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