Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
