I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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