i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you never un-have a 4some
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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